When to stop baby Massage: useful tips

 

Having a baby is the most cherished dream of every couple. After having a kid, the zeal of every parent is to give only the best for that kid. The arrival of new-born beings bundles of joy to all members of the family. Every family member spends most of their time in thinking about care taking tips and puts every possible effort to keep the baby safe and healthy. Elders at home give unceasing suggestions and doctors, friends and well wishes would have their own versions too. Many times, the new parents get utterly confused in deciding which to follow and what to do. It is very common that you can notice great difference in the suggestions given by elders and doctors. But finally, as a parent, it is up to you to decide what is best for your baby and what can be done from your side.

Massaging a baby is one of the ancient traditions followed in India and some other Asian countries. From ages, people believe that baby massage can improve its overall health condition. Massaging helps in improving the physical and mental status of a baby. But some of the modern doctors say that massaging may not really bring any notable changes in the well-being if the baby and give any miraculous results.

However, messaging doesn’t cause any harm, until it is done properly, and when you use the best oil for baby massage. It is advisable to start massaging your baby only after a few days of its birth. As new-born remains very delicate, it may be a great challenge to massage the new-born. So, you can wait for 15-20 days before you start massaging your baby.

Another point to consider is, the chances of infections will be more when massage oils remain in the surroundings of the umbilical stump when it is not completely dry. So, don’t try to massage the stomach area at least till the umbilical stump dries and falls off. Once you ensure that the umbilical region is completely dry and no infection is found in the surrounding area, you can give complete body massage for your kid.

The skin of a just born baby remains highly delicate and skin barrier may not have been completely developed in them. So, using any kind of oil or creams may cause irritation to the delicate skin. So, begin massaging your baby at least after 15 days of its birth, and choose any form of natural oil or very mild oil to massage your baby. Carefully observe the reactions of your baby while massaging. This will let you know if your baby is actually enjoying the massage or feeling uncomfortable with it.

Baby_Massage

This will be a major point to keep in mind if you are letting a maid to massage your kid. Though experienced helpers massage your baby very carefully, maids who come just for money may not be that careful out dedicated. A small mishandling may cause great troubles to your dear one.

A valuable advice to be considered here is to try to get your baby massaged by a family member. Do not depend on a maid unless it is extremely necessary, and the maid is trustworthy. Always allow the maid to handle your kid only under the supervision of a family member. In any case, if you notice that the baby is not comfortable with the massage giver, then immediately consider changing the person or the method being followed.

Techniques of massaging

Though there is no tough science behind massaging a baby, it is all about the love and care that is employed in massaging. Massaging a baby by parents can actually bring a lot of difference in the effect it gives. The actual aim of messaging a baby is to increase the intimacy between the baby and its parents.

Especially when a mom massages her little one, it builds a strong bonding between both and will improve the mental health of the kid. As a baby remains in the womb of a mother for nine months, it always responds for her in a better way. The more closely a mother stays with her kid, the healthier it grows. So, once a mother gets for after her delivery she can start massaging her kid. You can massage your kid once, twice or even three to four times a day based on your convenience and the baby’s comfort.

Try to massage the baby at least once a day with mild natural oil or massage cream. Choose an oil or cream that it free from chemicals and contain natural ingredients only. Use products of trusted brands to avoid any mishaps. Giving a massage and gentle bath gives comfort for your baby and help it sleep better. Massage the baby with the help of your fingertips. Don’t apply more pressure at initial stages as this may harm the delicate muscle or bone tissues. Give very gentle strokes with the help of your fingers and this way the baby will feel very comfortable.

Once your baby grows little big, say after 6 months, you can apply mild pressure as this may help to release any kind of muscle pain that may be caused due to increasing activities. But don’t try it if you are not good at massaging. Starting safe is always better than causing harm.

massege baby

When to stop massaging

Most of the people prefer massaging their baby till a year. But however, there is no thumb rule for this. You can massage your baby and long as you are able to do it and as long as your baby enjoys it. Say it may be up to a few years too. In most of the parts of India oil massage and bath is practised by people of all ages. It will improve the health especially of the skin and hair. So, giving gentle oil massages for your kid before bath is a good practice and you can do it at least once or twice in a week as your kid grows. However, keep the safety of your kid first as the first priority before using any product or employing any person on the job.

Bedsharing controversy

Anti bedshaing video demystified. bedsharing is great when safe

I’m sure that by now, you have all seen the “shocking” video by Bothell Police Department – the one which discourages parents from co-sleeping. While I totally understand why the enthusiasts of evolutionary parenting, attachment parenting, gentle parenting and others are so unhappy with this video, I would like to convince you there are positives of it, you just need to look at it differently.And don’t hate me just yet. I’ve been bed sharing with Z for past 26 months, I know all the pros, I know the risks, and as such I do not even consider myself as a target audience for this video.

This video is not idiotic (an epithet commonly linked to it). It is also not perfect, but this is not the reason to consider it useless.

Bed sharing is safe when parents are responsible, educated and care deeply. It’s only safe when parents are aware of the risks, anticipate and prepare. It is only then that it can be pleasure and provide all the benefits.

Bed sharing by parents who drink alcohol, do drugs, smoke cigarettes, take anti depressants or sleeping pills, or are simply careless IS DANGEROUS. The chance for those people to change overnight and provide their children with safe sleeping environment in their bed is nearly impossible! For those, safe environment should be translated into: alone, on the back, in the crib. So, I do hope THEY will see this video, I hope it will put some sense into them. I hope they will watch this video and that it will stop them from bed sharing. 

This video is not aimed at parents who read about evolutionary or any other parenting.If you’re a frequent reader of those websites, blogs, books. If you’re well aware of when bed sharing is no safe then this video is not for you. Before we go hysterical and criticize everyone everywhere let’s have a minute for reflection.

Of course, in the perfect world a perfect video would not send that message, it would explain how bed sharing is beneficial for parents and the baby and how to do it safe. So, if you are willing to make the world closer to perfect, record your own video, explain the bed sharing, make sure it goes viral and we will all clap our hands! Just remember that you take responsibility for all those who will only take an element of your advise and still risk their babies lives.

On the other hand, if that video has left you scared and messed up your plans to co-sleep with your child, please read more on Evolutionary Parenting blog: do’s and don’ts or risks versus realities.

Breastfeed in public – yes and but

The fight for women’s right to breastfeed in public is very needed. But lately, I feel, it’s getting off the track, it’s loosing logic and is placed in the wrong context. Does it feel frantic only to me? Are there really no limits to public breastfeeding? How important breastfeeding is?
I am, with all my heart, a true supporter of breastfeeding (but it’s not my religion, nor would I ever shame any formula feeding mama). I’ve been breastfeeding Z. for 27 months now, that includes nursing in public places. I do support the right of women to breastfeed in public, to nursing breaks at work. I don’t like covers, although I understand that some women feel more comfortable using them. I love separate feeding rooms for babies and see no shame in using them and can’t understand how they can be seen as a pressure tool to keep boobs out of the public sight.
Many blogs and websites support breastfeeding. Some of them were founded to fight specifically for the women’s right to breastfeed in public. It is a noble goal. So many parts of the world need that fight!
I will never agree with a situation when a nursing mother is asked to leave, go to a toilet or cover herself.
Never, unless… Have you ever seen a woman nursing from above her shirt, or with both boobs out or almost topless, or sitting with the boob out long after the baby is fed? These are my “but” situations. I understand why these women are asked to cover or leave. I understand why people are bothered.
I’m not a prude. It doesn’t really bother me that much. I just know and understand how it may make some other people feel uncomfortable. Expecting people to accept nude nursing in public won’t get the revolution anywhere. It won’t win any fight. Show the world it can be done comfortably for you and the baby without making others feel awkward – this is how to win, how to gain those people’s trust, respect. This is how to normalize breastfeeding.
“Breastfeeding is not sexual” – the most common argument. I agree. It isn’t. But breasts are. We don’t have separate pair for breastfeeding and separate for sexual purpose – and it seems to be a problem nowadays.
Please, don’t try do “desexualize” boobs. Denying that breasts have sexual implications is naive. I mean, doesn’t your partner love your breasts? Don’t you like your boobs? They’re not even a tiny element provoking the arousal for both of you? Seriously? Beautiful, round, soft boobs! I, at least, love mine and will never deny them their sexual attributes! This is also why I don’t go around naked showing them to everyone.

Seriously?!

Breasts are sexual. This is why breastfeeding in public is difficult. This is how our society evolved. This is why magazines with topless women on the covers are usually in separate sections of the shop or are covered. Sex is a private matter. Of course it is used in mass media to sell everything but we also accept it only to a limit. When the line is crossed people oppose.
A breastfeeding mother is a member of the society like everyone else. A society is a complex organism, built with different structures and organs. It will work well only when each member, each part plays within the rules. Don’t call me bad names just yet. I’m not saying breastfeeding mothers have to go to the toilet, leave, cover, stay at home. I just want to say that breastfeeding in public may be done in a way that will make baby’s stomach full, mom happy and nobody will be bothered.
“My right to swing my fist ends where your nose begins”. If you want to nurse in public just think what to wear. you don’t need a cover, although there’s nothing wrong with using it if both you and your child are comfortable that way. Simply, breastfeed from under your shirt or whatever kind of top that you wear. And if you’re using a nursing top, please don’t let the boob hang out for long moments as if you’re trying to show off your “nursing skill”. It’s just so weird. The need of showing the naked breast just for the sake of showing it is so so weird!
Breasts don’t shock me, they don’t bother me but I just understand that other people have their rights and there is a way to respect others without compromising the right to nurse in pubic or my baby’s right to be fed.
So, keep on boobin’ mamas!!
Just remember there are people around you

Diversity in mothersland

Why do we need mommy friends? Why do we need to have few very close but meet whole lot more? Who do we need exactly?

We need someone who will always understand, who will always approve. But we also need a mum friend, who will shake her head and disapprove. We need to meet a totally chaotic, disorganized mum. We need to meet a mum who knows a lot. In that new friend circle, we need a mum who is  organized, a master of a daily routine. We need friends who eat crap and mum’s who should obtain a degree in eco-organic baby gear. We need them all. We need a cio friend and a co-sleeping mum friend. We need to know a mum who formula feeds from early on and a mum who breastfeeds a 3 year old. You will need a mum who knew nothing about kids and you need to know that mum who can cite research studies in the middle of the night. We need to meet with a mum who disciplines and a mum who lets her bundle-of-joy do whatever. A mum who lets her kid watch TV all day and a mum whose 2 year old has never seen a screen. We need a mum-friend who’s fixated on intellectual development and a mum who believes in movement more than in brain, and another one who will convince us that both are equally important. We need a mum who can DIY magic and a mum who knows every answer to introducing solids. We need a working mum and a SAHM and a WAHM. We should welcome in our entourage a doubtless mum and a mum full of doubts. A mum who doesn’t want number two and a mum expecting her third.

Embrace them all!

They are all equally great mothers!

You will love them and hate them, depending on the day, weather and phase of your cycle but you will cherish knowing them, need them and laugh with them more than you can imagine.

We need to know each other. None of us has all the answers, whereas each one of us has one element of the puzzle. You may think you have it all figured it out but one conversation with a friend may open your eyes and widen your horizon to different options.

Meeting all different types of mum will quickly teach you to respect mothers, not to judge mothers. Never. (Unless they are really harming they kids but would such a mum be your friend in the first place?).

So, if you’re a mum to be or a fresh mum and you still believe your single or childless friends will be enough – reconsider. You will have hundreds of questions, thousand of doubts (no matter how assured you feel now) and countless moments in which only a mother will be able to understand.

Let’s embrace diversity in mothersland!

Maclaren – everybody has one.

Maclaren Quest and why it’s not a good deal.

I can count on fingers of one hand people around me who didn’t go for Maclaren as their second pram. Everybody has them here, and back home. So it never even crossed my mind that, when buying a Maclaren Quest stroller, I’m spending quite an amount of money on crap.
It may simply be that my love for our big pram cannot ever be replaced by any other wheeled-child-transporting-device. It’s pretty, light, comfortable, has a huge storage bag, effortless one handed manoeuvring, it strolls so smoothly I hardly feel it… Why did I ever think I need an umbrella type stroller?!

For the car you might say. And yes, I keep it in the trunk but whenever we go out for a long walk I’ll take the big one. We even took the big one for our holidays (with a car!). And I still can’t understand why people find it easier at the airports!? The only difference is I have less space and am unable to make it work with one hand. Seriously, turning either way with a 13 kg of child sitting inside is impossible with one hand only.

Waste of money.

My daughter has problems with sitting in it properly, she slides down. People first said she was still small and it would get more comfy later. She’s around 85th percentile for height and her uncomfortability hasn’t changed for a year. She’s quite big now… Should I still wait all loose my hopes altogether?

The canopy. What moron designed that, what purpose did he or she wanted to achieve?? There is no way it can protect from the sun unless it’s right above the pram… First time I strolled with it I had to pull it backwards to avoid my daughter screaming from too much sun in her eyes. Make it longer or allow it to bend down for crying out loud!

Then there’s manoeuvring. It’s shit, that what it is. It’s a light stroller that needs lots of energy to be pushed when loaded with a child. On the other hand it’s not very stable when empty. Turning it, no matter how many degrees, is sweat generating process. I can turn our big pram 360 degrees using one hand only in a narrow lift. Maclaren Quest needs to be kicked, lifted, moved forward, rear and then it fits. Damn.

The leg rest. Maybe good for a short legged, or dark haired or blue eyed children. Maybe different body shape, smaller or bigger feet? I have no idea but it’s definitely not for my daughter.

The only advantage I can find is that it really fits into every car, even to Mini’s kind-of trunk. But my trunk is a total opposite to the one of Mini, so I really don’t care.

Maybe other Maclarens are just fine but the Maclaren Quest simply isn’t worth the money.

Is there anyone out there happy with their quest?! Can you please please tell me why?

Non-people house helpers.

No matter if you’re a working or stay at home parent, your time is limited. When it comes to cleaning, cooking and entertaining the little ones, every helping hand is welcomed, right? Well, if you don’t live close to your family and have no one to help around, you probably know value of help even more.

A cleaner is not a solution to every problem. Unless you can afford one living with you and being on call 24/7. Otherwise she can’t clean the kitchen floor after every meal, vacuum the hall after everybody comes back from jumping in muddy paddles. Not mentioning cooking dinner everyday (and lunch if you’re like me).

Well, there’s good news and there’s bad news. The good news is there are tools, appliances that can help. The bad news is they are not cheap.

1. A dishwasher – no way I’m ever going back to living without it. I still can’t believe I managed 6 years doing the dishes every evening and several times on weekends. It takes 5 mins to load and unload huge amount of dishes.

2. A dryer. It’s probably obvious for North America readers but they’re not so popular in Europe, yet. After moving to Switzerland I started using communal dryer (yes, every Swiss building has a communal washing machine and a dryer, and there’s usually a plan for every inhabitant – I had Mondays afternoons). Now we have our own and OMG.. I wash a lot. I don’t remember last day when washing machine was not loaded. Hanging all those clothes on the rack? Oh no. I just put it all to the dryer (saving only 2-3 pieces for hanging) and go. I only dry towels and beddings outside in the summer, but hanging 20 socks is something I don’t have time for.

3. Roomba. Life saver. Imagine: you push a button, go outside for whatever reason you have and come back to vacuumed apartment (or a part of it)? Magic? No! Roomba! We got it as our wedding gift and since Z was born it’s been helping me a lot. It’s my habit now to turn it on after each meal in the kitchen, I close the door and rest. Some people say they don’t like it because they have to pick up everything from the floor. Well, not everything and to properly vacuum the regular way you have to do it anyway. Check out this simplest, thus cheapest roomba.

4. Scooba. Oh man. Have floors vacuumed and cleaned by only pushing a button? That’s not a dream, that’s how I roll! This was a gift from my husband when Z started crawling and I was obsessed with washing the floor. It’s money well spend! Good news for those suffering from allergies – you can now thoroughly clean your floor with water or water-vinegar mixture. No detergents! Check it out here.

5. Thermomix. That is starting to be my dream. I slowly start to see the benefits. I’m still hesitant because it seems to take away all the fun from cooking. But still, every family with more than 1 child should have a Thermomix. Families with more than 2 should get it as a gift from their country instead of allowance. This ad will explain quickly why it is worth every penny.

6. A slow cooker. Apparently it’s useful. I still can’t figure out why and how “slow” would make my life easier but I probably just don’t get the concept of slow cooker. Can anyone help?

7. If you dream, dream big. Windows cleaning robot? Yep, that exists too. If you have a lot of windows or huge windows it may be really handy!

8. A garden. Yes. Absolutely nothing tech related, not an appliance but it is a savior when you have kids and it is usually expensive (as it’s usually involves living in a house, mowing and planting). A small sandpit, plastic slide, a tent and no need to go out every time they ask for a playground. Or even no pits and swings – just few bowls with mud and mixing spoons. Even inviting kids for a play-date wouldn’t be a challenge any more. At least it feels like that from my perspective…

Is there anything I should add? Is there anything else? Anything that helps and is not a person – please share!

Potty training and going out

“Ballerinas don’t wear diapers*” – said Z. and never agreed to wear a diaper again.

2 days later she knew she has to go to the potty if she doesn’t want her dress and ballet shoes ruined. Yey! I really had little to do with what happened (apart from gentle introduction to the potty from when she was around 1 year old).

With potty at home it was all clear but how to go outside? Keep the nappy? No nappy? We went out with nappy twice and I quickly figured it doesn’t make any sense. I have to try and see, we can always go back to wearing diapers outside, right?

Potty training and going out… Was it stressful? Yes! I was so afraid! A wet accident is a horrible experience.

Here’s a list of helping tips:

1. Before going out, always ask the child to use the toilet.

2. Plan your outing ahead, anticipate. For example – I go to the grocery store first (no toilet) and then to the park and playground (trees, bushes). When out for a long time plan a bar/restaurant/gas station/mall/clean public toilet.

3. Avoid ballet costumes or be smarter than me and buy leotards that have buttons at the bottom… Otherwise you have to undress your child completely, even if it’s a cold morning in the middle of February.

4. Frequently ask whether they need to go to the bathroom. When busy and happy they can forget and tell you at the last minute. Try to be near a pee-friendly spot around the time they might need a bathroom, you’ll safe yourself some running and you’ll save your kid peeing on the sidewalk with people staring, pointing and making comments.

5. Observe. Talking too fast? Not being able to focus? These, and many other, are signs of a child in a desperate need of emptying their bladder. Holding urine is unhealthy, it should be avoided.

6. Control amounts they drink outside. Simple as that.

7. ALWAYS have clothes for change – underwear, pants/tights, top. And a pull-up (in case there is nowhere to pee, you may have time to put the nappy on this one time!)

8. A small travel potty. Small enough to fit under your pram and easy to set. There’s always a chance it will be rejected without explanation. I don’t have one but know people who swear by it’s utility.

9. Trust your kid. If they say they have to go, they have to go. No questioning. Think of the nearest bush/tree/private place and run.

10. Don’t test them. I once asked Z if she can hold it till we’re home (less than 10 minutes). She said she would. She couldn’t. She came home in wet ballet dress, wet tights and wet wellies (yep, if ballerina wants to jump in a muddy ballet she MUST wear her boots). She was sad and confused. I hope she forgot.

11. If your kid is always informing you at the very last minute, or being wet too often, and point nr 4 is not working, – put that diaper back, at least when you’re out. It’s not a defeat, it’s not a setback. It’s being respectful of your child’s abilities and saving him and you stressful and negative situations.

12. Don’t be afraid to go back to diapers full time. It might happen. It’s not shameful. Not a big deal really. When they’re not ready or for some reason they regress, better to go back for a while than force anything. I promise you, they won’t go to school wearing diapers, we all grew out of them somehow.

13. Respect your child’s privacy. Have you noticed how many kids hide to poo, while still wearing a diaper? Z used to shut the door to her room and would not let anyone in. I know a boy who would hide behind a curtain and a girls who would always turn her back on everyone to feel alone and private. It’s not modern world, internet or the global village that made us feel better in the toilet alone. It’s not a taboo thing either. If the small kids feel the need to poo in private than it must be an instinct, right? So, please respect it. If they have to pee/poo in public, find the most private place, a place you would use for yourself. Kids have the right to privacy.

Following above guidelines will hopefully keep you safe from being responsible for the pee in the middle of the park, where kids sit, roll, play, kick a ball, do picnics. Accident do happens, sure! But let’s minimize the risk. It may be a really bad experience for some kids, and a stressful one for parents.

Mother’s gut

Experts, research and parenting style. DO they make you happy and confident? If not maybe time to trust your own instinct instead.

If you have internet access and minimal interest in parenting methods you know that the number of experts, theories and research to back everyone up is overwhelming. What’s more, it’s impossible to fit one method to every family, I’d even say that it’s impossible to fit a full method to one family because the hypothetical family from experts philosophies doesn’t exist.

Families are all different, with so many challenges and personalities. Children are all different. Parents of more than one know it best – it is so rarely possible to raise both children the same way with same effects. Yet, experts try to convince us they have solution for everything that their way of thinking will sort out every parents problem with every child. They all contradict one another, it is scary that they are all basing their theories on research or backing it up with research only proving that science can’t help much with parenting: number of variables is simply infinite.

Not believing the experts 100% is how I do understand parents who identify themselves with gentle parenting but use CIO method for sleep training or choose to breastfeed but not agree with attachment parenting. This is why we should all go back to basics and start using the best method every mother is armed with – intuition.

The only problem is intuition can be confused with so many things, e.g. parents needs. In theory there’s nothing wrong with it. A child must accept that it is a part of family and, later, society. But there’s a limit to everything, extremes are never good. Parenthood requires compromises and sacrifices.

Intuition works when we take time and patience to get to know our children, respect them, respect ourselves and our families. Only when we take time and tune into our child. Only then can we rely on our intuition.

It is very hard to rely on intuition these days. Ironically it’s much more difficult for educated women, those lacking self confidence and those who need to know everything. Education brings knowledge and hunger for knowledge. Educated women need reasoning, ask questions and have doubts. The more they read, them more they dig, the more they know, the more confused they become. They realize they can/t rely on knowledge when it comes to parenthood, it may cause panic attack!

I was like that during my pregnancy and first 6 months (or so) after Z. was born. It made me insane. I was unsure of everything, had questions about everything. Had no idea how mothers functioned ages ago without pediatricians available 24/7, internet and instant access to other moms knowledge via smartphones, playgroups etc.

I don’t remember what happened but a day came when I had enough. Stopped listening to experts. I choose people I could trust. It’s not that I divide parents into good and bad, it’s just that some match my lifestyle, and my parenting style, better than others. After few weeks I started becoming confident. I accepted that the perfect parent and perfect method simply don’t exist. I also accepted that having doubts is normal – it’s all about how you deal with them.

Stop beating yourself up. Trust your gut!

But maybe it’s just me. Maybe you find experts advice helpful.
Please visit my Facebook page and share your thoughts!

Tolerance, part 1

I was writing this post at midnight with brain full of thoughts, heart full of good will but mind so tired the post turned out not saying what I had meant. I am very sorry if it offended anyone, the purpose was opposite. I mean for mothers to become more assured in their decisions, more informed and more respectful towards one another. I hope re-editing will successfully put my thoughts into words.

Breastfeeding vs bottle feeding, natural birth vs C-section, vaccinations.

These are main topics mothers argue about. These are differences, not denying that, but should they really result in, sometimes very aggressive, discussions? You’d think well informed, educated, thus tolerant mothers should not fight over baby milk and birth protocols, yet they do.

Both sides are to blame. Each feels, it’s better than the other. The reality is, it’s not those topics that make us good or bad mums The reality is, there should be no fighting over what science has already solved. Mothers should accept, there’s more than scientific facts when making decisions. We make choices based on medical facts, emotions, family situation, our needs as social human beings. Each mother and her situation is different, you may breastfeed your baby till she’s 3 years old, but this other woman you’re criticizing for bottle feeding her 3 month old may have her reasoning, she has a different life and child than you. Nobody means causing any harm. We all do our best.

But let’s establish some facts:

Formula milk is not as good as breast milk (talking about healthy mum and healthy baby situation). For so many reasons: antibodies, unique composition for every baby, and so on. I don’t mean to offend anyone or make any mother feel bad or guilty. Bottle feeding mums are not bad! They are not even tiny bit worse than breastfeeding mums and anybody who even thinks differently is simply a bad person. Both bottle and breastfeeding mums do what’s best for them and their children. They deserve the same respect. I do understand why a woman can choose a bottle over breast, it’s not even a choice sometimes and so many judgmental women seem to forget that. I am happy that formula exists to help mums out.  Working mums need it, sick babies need it, abandoned babies need it, and so many more women and babies need it. Not every mum enjoys BF, not every mum gets help and the support essential at the beginning of BF, some mums need their social lives back to feel good (happy mum=happy baby). The world without formula would be a very complicated place for mums around the globe.

For all these reasons it is truly amazing that formula milk was invented. Yet, it does not make it as good as breast milk. Formula is not unhealthy, harmful or bad in any other way. It’s just not as good as healthy mum’s breastmilk and we should all just accept that. People are entitled to their beliefs and opinions, but I cannot understand and accept ignorance and pursuing fight with scientific facts with beliefs. If you chose formula, don’t go around saying it’s as good as breast, don’t use silly arguments. Be honest.

To be fair. Breastfeeding mums should accept that it may be uncomfortable for a stranger to sit next to you while you breastfeed in public, especially when you’re showing a lot. It is possible to nurse without the cover without making people around uncomfortable, it just takes some practice. They should also accept that it may be weird for a lot of people when they see a 2 year old nursing or 3 year old asking for a booby. Breastfeeding mums have to also accept that they are not any better than their bottle feeding friends. It’s not breastfeeding that makes a good mother. It’s surely great you managed to nurse your child for several months or more, but it’s not heroic. So many breastfeeding mothers act in a way that makes others feel bad and guilty. Mums should be a supportive community, not a bunch of angry witches.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with C-section for medical reasons. C-section saves lives of mums and children every day. Medicine made birth more safe and bearable. Without medicine/science the day my daughter was born could become the worst day of my life, but I didn’t even realize it until she was one week old, pink and healthy, because that’s when I read more about what had happened during my labor. I’m not one of those people saying we should go back to caves and heal our bodies with herbs. We need medicine, we need research to do so much more! At the same time we have to accept, every drug we take, every medical procedure we go through bears risks. If you chose C-section without any medical reasons, you have to accept there are some risks involved and you will be deprived of some physiological benefits of vaginal birth. Research has already proven that children born via C-section are in higher risk of, for example, developing allergies. C-section is a surgery. Would you have your appendix removed just in case there’s an inflammation in few years? Surgeries should not be performed just so, just for fun, just in case. Surgeries are always dangerous and anesthesia has negative influence on our bodies. Surgeries are for medical problems not for fear or time management. Natural birth is also risky but healthier for the baby – for her lungs, for her immune system and so much more. It’s also better for the mum (check here). These are the facts. You gave birth by C-section because you chose to, not because you had to? Fine. I respect your decision, you had your motives. I am very happy it all ended good for you, but don’t argue with science. If you want to be respected, be honest. Accept your choice and don’t make an angry face when you hear vaginal birth is better. It is. Period. But it does not make you a worse mother, a worse human being. C-sections mum are as great, awesome, loving parents as natural birth giving mothers. I have no doubts. It’s just making them guilty, makes them using silly arguments against scientific findings. So please, let’s not make each other feel bad with our decisions, or worse – feel guilty. It won’t result in anything good. I also don’t understand why vaginal birth group is often so aggressive towards C-section. Is it the silly jealousy of shorter labor, of having courage to make a different choice? Is it the feeling of being better (why?). Wouldn’t it be nicer to accept others’ choices even if science tells us which option is healthier? Medicine only concentrates on medical point of view, it rarely takes into account motives behind decision-making, emotions, family situation, careers, work-life balance and so many more reasons that are behind our choices.

Vaccinations. Oh lala. They save lives, they are needed, risks are minimal. It’s a huge topic. Please, for the sake of your child – vaccinate (I invite you to watch a youtube video that will explain my position on this issue much better than I can). I totally stand by science here, but I do understand that despite understanding the research, some people may decide not to vaccinate. Can we please argue nicely? Can we please RESPECT the beliefs and opinions of others? We should also remember that very often one research contradicts the other. That so many questions are yet to be answered, so many questions have more than 1 answer, and others have no clear answer.

I’m not arguing with opinions and beliefs. Everybody’s entitled to have them. My point is, there’s no fighting solid facts with beliefs, it does not make any sense. We all make choices, not to make the world feel happy, but for ourselves, for our children. Nobody means causing any harm. We all do our best. I wish mothers were a strong, supportive community, where differences exist alongside with peace and acceptance, with respect to other people’s feelings. I wish for a group where a mum-in-doubt switching to bottle feeding will hear she’s great and doing the right thing. Facts are facts but it doesn’t mean we can forget about respecting an individual who chooses differently. Research is not the whole answer.

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 You will find more thoughts in parenthood section on this site.

oddler in a fast food

If you’re a saint, you can judge. Otherwise hold your tongue. We all have our sins be it screen time, chocolate, ice cream on demand… My sin is decorated with the golden arches. If there was an option to get a normal meal directly to my car, believe me, I’d be their first Hohn Circle customer.

Desperate for your LO’s nap you resorted into driving. But he just.won’t.sleep, it’s pouring with rain. It’s too much. You see the golden arches and your mind wanders to salty french fries and pickles. You know it’s naughty. You know it’s not super healthy. But you’re hangry and LO can have organic parsnip for dinner.
Toddler in a fast food – when, how and why:
1. You’re hungry, in a hurry with cranky toddler. It’s fast. They serve food to your car! TO.YOUR.CAR! Buy, eat, go! (Yes, I sometimes forget to pack the damn bio topinambour when we go out – self-slapped).
2. Your LO won’t nap. You’ve resorted to driving around and she falls asleep. Only then you realize you’re stuck in that car for at least 1,5h without anything to drink or eat or even a book. Milkshake should do it!
3. You’ve baked organic gluten free cupcakes, eaten quinoa for a week and are planning nettle salad for dinner (no, not nestle – nettle). You just need something stodgy. Fast. Yum!
4. Kids menu with a toy makes negotiations with every kid much easier. Period.
5. Have I mentioned already they bring you the food to your car!? Isn’t it the most perfect place for driving mamas?
6. Sometimes I just quite fancy a big mac. It gets harder when the season for “deluxe” options start. I mean, they have fresh veggies.
7. I believe eating crap occasionally will do me (or LO) no harm. If she starts to grow a second head after a happy meal I’ll be sure to tell you. 
8. It doesn’t have to be a burger (although I’ve got to be honest I struggle to leave without a little bag of fries) – they sell apples, and carrots, and bottled water too. But wouldn’t you hate your parents for buying you a carrot in a fast food? 
9. It’s a little bit rebellious. Whilst all my friends are boasting about baking their third batch of vegan cookies made with spinach dust and all natural air, I’ve just had a tasty bite of my really naughty burger. Sure, I won’t post about it on Facebook, but every now and then I just need to be a little bad.
10. Because you’re a #relaxmum – you know what’s good for your little one, but some days you just need to have a chilled day and enjoy the taste of youth.